Paradise Lost First ChapterOneShot of JoshReed
by irrevocably ives
Summary: What if Josh and Reed shared a moment together before Reed left for St. Barth's with all of the Billings girls? Well then this one shot is for you.. Story is okay-ish,, better than this sounds


**Okay hi people who are taking the time to read this… **

**Anyway. This is a one shot about Josh and Reed. From like the first chapter of Paradise Lost.**

**I know this makes like no sense since Paradise Lost has come out, but it was really fun to write!**

**So just swallow the bitterness that is rising in the back of your throat and read the one-shot! Kay? Okay, good. So please read this and review for me! (I will be your best friend forever then! Lol!)**

As I made my way down the sterile halls of the Edward Billings Memorial Hospital, I thought of one thing. Where is Josh?... Where is Ivy?... How are they doing?

Okay so maybe a little more than one thing on my mind. I thought I was going to go crazy if I didn't find someone I knew soon.

All of the doctors keep looking at me like I am some sort of freak for coming here. Well FYI to them, this was my fault. It's my responsibility to make sure everything is okay… Or going to be somewhat normal at least. After walking for what seemed like hours, I finally found everyone.

They were all huddled together like penguins trying to block out the cold. Except instead of blocking out the cold they were blocking out the hurt… the shock… the scariness of everything… Everyone was shocked, hurt and disoriented when I arrived. So much was happening in one night, it was terribly frightening. As I got closer and saw the little cluster off people from close up, I knew all had been forgiven. The people I had come to know and love were excepting me again… They knew everything now and knew that I had never meant to hurt anyone.

It felt wonderful to finally walk into a room and know that I was loved.

Once the circle parted and Noelle saw me, she ran into my arms and clung to me. She clung to me and cried and said over and over again in my ear she was so, so sorry. It was as if she thought that if she let me go, I would fly away and never come back. After hours long of telling her it was okay, Noelle finally let me go.

"Reed," Noelle said in an extremely shaky voice it almost frightened me, "You have to except our invitation for you to come back to Billings. If you don't… I don't know, but you just have to come back."

Noelle just didn't get it. I just couldn't come back like nothing ever happened, that was when I looked into her eyes and knew… Knew she meant every word she had just said. I was stunned.

When I didn't answer her right away, she said the unthinkable. Noelle Lange looked me. Reed Brennan in the eyes and said, "Reed. Please come back. You are like a sister to me. You just have to come back. I would be lost without my little Glass-Licker beside me. The only reason everyone kicked you out was because…"

After that I cut her off. I knew why everyone had kicked me out. It was what Noelle had just said that made me change my mind and come back. After her little outburst I knew in my heart that she was also just like my sister and without her in my life I would never be complete again. Once I got a grip of myself I said (in a flushed/sad tone), "Of course I'll come back Noelle!"

We discussed everything right then and there. My life finally coming back together again made me so happy I almost forgot about why everyone was here. _Almost…._

I felt someone looking at the back of my neck. I could literally feel their pupils burning into me. When I turned around and looked up I remembered the reason I had come. The pain came flooding back to me, like a semis coming at full speed running over me.

The way he looked at me with his beautiful blue/green eyes. Everything came back to me. All of our memories. _Everything. _From the time we played soccer to the time we went to the Art Cemetery… Then came all of the bad memories along with the good. Cheyenne straddling him, the look on his face when he saw Dash and I together at the Legacy. Everything was in that one look he gave me.

Without even realizing, I went to him. To try and comfort him. I knew how wrong it was, but yet I still went. The little voice in the back of my head kept saying, "_Turn around Reed, he doesn't want you. He needs to stay with Ivy; you know you can't do anything to help. GO SIT BACK DOWN BY NOELLE!"_ I pushed the little voice to the back of my head. All I could see was his face, his honey dew curls, his hands on me, and his eyes probing my own, all I could see was Joshua Hollis. Once I reached him I took him in my arms, knowing, feeling how wrong this was. But he didn't pull away from my touch; he didn't even flinch when I pulled him close. He needed this I told myself. That's why I am doing this.

He finally pulled away from me and the yearning in my chest was almost unbearable. Josh looked me in the eyes and pulled me around a corner, so no one could see us or hear us. When he pulled me around the corner I wanted to kiss him so badly it hurt, I wanted him, needed him. The worst part was… I knew it was wrong… I knew everything he was going to tell me, but none of it mattered.

He looked at me again in the same way. Lost, confused, hurt and so many other emotions I couldn't even identify. That was when it happened. It happened so quick I couldn't even protest… Not that I would have anyway. Josh Hollis, the guy that was so wonderful and did everything right, the selfless guy I had come to love pulled me to him with a yearning that was so fierce and wonderful that I never wanted to let go of him.

In an instant his mouth covered my own. He was biting my bottom lip for entrance and I gave in without question. This… this felt so good, it was so right. It didn't matter anymore who we were hurting as long as we were together.

Josh's kisses normally were soft, sweet, and wonderful. These kisses were exactly the opposite. They were rough, and dangerous, and longing, and horrible, but yet wonderful. He wanted this… I wanted this. We couldn't stop. With hands roaming everywhere and no one there to stop us we just couldn't get enough of each other. I wanted him inside me. He wanted to be inside me too. It was so wrong. But he was hurt, and confused. Before things could get anymore out of hand I pulled away. Slowly, reluctantly I pulled away. I didn't want the kiss to end, but it was so wrong. I couldn't get the voice in my head to shut up any longer. So I just said it. I actually blurted it out, "Why Josh? Why? You have Ivy. You said you hated me. But why? Why know? Is it because you found out I was drugged? If I wouldn't have been drugged or you never found out would you have just stayed with Ivy the rest of your life? Mhm? Tell me the truth cause' I can't take it anymore. Just tell me the God damn truth for once!" I regretted saying those words the minute they were out of my mouth. I knew I had hurt him with those words, but I need to know the truth.

After minuets upon minutes of silence he took in a shaky breath trying to calm down and looked at me with longing and venom in his beautiful eyes. He looked deep into my eyes and I wish he wouldn't have. That is what broke me all over again. My tear glands got all dry and gritty and I tried holding in my sobs but a few escaped. Some lonesome tears fell down my checks. That's when Josh took in another shacking breath and started, "Reed when are you going to understand?" He asked full of anger, not even trying to control it anymore. "I wanted to talk to you and get back together with you. I was a weak man. I knew I could never love Ivy the way I loved you." He said screaming at me. Josh peered up at me from the top of his unreeling curls and started again, trying to cool down but not working. "I never hated you. I hated how you made me feel when I saw you… I thought you were a slut. I wanted to say so many things to you that night. But I never did because I knew if I did I would take you back. Every day after the Legacy I was going to talk to you. I wanted you to know that it wasn't okay. But I needed you Reed. You're like my world." He said totally calm now.

When Josh looked up at me because I was so shocked I was muted from saying anything, he came to me. As the Josh I loved. I hadn't noticed that I had started crying silently until Josh started kissing the tears away. It felt good. But he had still avoided some of my questions. When he tried to pull me to him to try and comfort me I dodged him. When I straightened I saw a dejected Josh sitting next to me. I asked him one more question that would decide everything.

I took in one shaky breath before I asked it. I almost didn't have the courage to ask him because of the huge lump forming in the back of my throat. After trying to swallow the lump in my throat, and all the pain and feelings that this one question would determine. I finally asked Josh, "Are you going to stay with Ivy?"

This one question hurt so much to ask he would never know. I looked at him coldly, trying to show no emotion, but failing miserably. When I saw his face, it looked tormented and pained. After seeing the way he responded to the most important question ever, I knew the answer. I knew what I had to tell him so he wouldn't feel obligated to me. No matter how much It hurt, it had to be said. He couldn't stay with Ivy while knowing I loved him, so I had to push him away from me.

He breathed in a heavy sigh before saying what had to be said, "I have to stay with Ivy."

Those six words crushed everything that had just been shared between us. This before I looked at him, I looked away. And when I turned back to him, I knew my face was hard and emotionless. It had to be, it had to look like I didn't care. I was going to be strong for everyone so no one would get hurt except me. That was how everything should be.

When he saw the look on my face I could tell he was confused. He expected me to just crumble didn't he? Well news for him. I didn't even bother saying anything. Looking away once more before I left to make sure there was no emotion he could see on my face, I got up and started walking.

But before I could even get passed him, he grabbed me with a fierce grip and said the three words that were going to break me. He said in the most sincere voice, I love you Reed.

He then grabbed my face so I couldn't look away and kissed me. It was a passionate kiss, but I didn't respond. Josh Hollis just didn't understand. After trying to get me to respond he slowly pulled away and I ran.

I would never let Joshua Hollis see me cry over the truth. I knew it was coming. I brought everything upon myself, so he didn't need to see the pain that I had caused. Just before I left though, I saw him watch me approach the elevator and go down. When the elevator doors were just about closed I saw the look in his eyes.

**Okay, I think this basically sucked and everything. But it was ahh-mazingly fun to write so whatever I guess. Well anyway, I think if you read this you should like totally review for me and stuff, cause' I want to know what you thought… Did it suck? Did it rock? Was it totally confusing? So yeah review and tell me please!**

**-Xoxo-**

**Irrevocably Ives**


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